Reason #793 you must have a sense of humor to be a nurse

So last night I cared for a very confused elderly gentleman who was not yet on a ventilator, but certainly heading that way and his CO2 level was rising faster than I could get a doc on the phone. Homeslice was receiving lots of fluids-unit after unit of blood, several drips, lots of NS, and to top it all off, IV LASIX! (Lasix is a very lovely diuretic that will make most folks pee alot in a hurry.) Since Mr. Man did not have a foley cath, was mildly confused but sitting fairly still, and elderly I thought it would be very kind of me to situate his urinal so that if he had the urge to pee right-this-second he could just let go and not wait for assistance from me or someone else and avoid an embarassing accident. Well hell if that didn't backfire.

My second patient (next door) was a fresh post op sent to the ICU for observation. (I love when docs send us patients to babysit because they don't trust our post surgical unit.) Not hard, but time consuming on arrival. After about 30 minutes of messing with Mr. Post Op I cruised back to see Mr. Confusion and found him messing with the urinal and pulling at his clothes. I ask him several times if he was finished urinating and he shook his head yes, but when I lifted the sheets and his gown a bit to remove his urinal all I found was alot of white mucus.

Now here's where you figure out that I'm a new nurse. I see this white mucus drainage that is all over Mr. Old Man, his gown, his sheets, everywhere! and I go get my preceptor to take a look at this funky white drainage that he peed. I am concerned. Very concerned. My preceptor took one look at this drainage and laughed a belly laugh. The "mucus drainage" was sperm. My lovely patient was masturbating at 80 yrs old. Bless his heart.

Bottles, Battery Operated Boyfriends, and dinner of course

This is my new lusty must have item. A BOB. Not to be confused with a Bob, the battery operated boyfriend, this is a must have, super easy to fold up jogging stroller. Friend Dionne and I first spotted them a few weeks ago while walking the Ravenel Bridge and I have been on the hunt for one ever since. I am entranced by the non fixed front wheel, the array of colors that a BOB comes in, and most of all, mud tires (kind of) on an aluminum frame. Hot. JT hates all BOB products and says they're ugly. Jealous.Because I am a practical person, I have told myself that I will not purchase any furniture or strollers until I know the sex of LBT, but bless his heart, I will hurt JT if he tries to stand between me and my (baby's) BOB on May 18th.

Most pregnant ladies develop cravings when they get prego, but I have lived my whole life with cravings and now that I am prego don't really care about food. It really amazes me, but has aided in my weight loss. (Please don't have a kitten, I know it's not healthy to lose weight but I was plump to start.) Tonight we're having twice baked potatoes, green been casserole, and bacon wrapped filets topped with a bernaise sauce. Yum.

Hey does anyone know if you use a breast pump, do you have to use bottles from the same manufacturer?

Poop

I've been a frequent pooper my entire life. I enjoy it really. Now I'm prego and can't poop to save my life. I've started drinking more water, incorporating more fiber into my diet, taking fiber 1 tablets, all with no results. Please help-I don't want to have to ask one of my nurse friends to disimpact me.....

I have to settle for yellow and green onesies for 6 more weeks

Our OB appointment Monday was a major disappointment. We have another appointment with Molly, the OB nurse, in three weeks and then three weeks later (5/18) we get to find out the sex of LBT. While I thought I would come unwound when they said no ultrasound this visit, I did get a bit of insider info regarding the C section I have been hoping for....My favorite surgeon at work happens to be married to my OB and yesterday he mentioned she had 4 C sections out of convenience and he could almost guarantee me one if I push her. Ha! I'm considering doing a 4D ultrasound in a few weeks just so I can start buying gender specific clothes! Any recommendations?

I have to tell ya'll something wonderful. The OB office's scale says I lost 8lbs last month! Yay for not being able to eat large meals.

I'm getting slack

This week has been wild, or at least as wild as things can get for a pregnant lady. That's my excuse for being to lazy to blog.

Big Daddy had his right hip replaced last Tuesday at the place of my employment, and spent 3 days recuperating before being dicharged on Friday morning. He has a physical therapist coming out to the house every other day and is doing very well. I worked Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then got pulled into some OT on Friday. The Bebe and her latest squeeze came for a much needed visit on Friday night so that they could surprise Big Daddy. That really made his weekend, well that and the massive cupcake Bebe took him from our fav cupcake store, Cupcake. JT and I were both off yesterday, and we spent the AM doing yard work and the PM doing boat stuff. The weather is warming up so we purchased a 145 qt marine cooler to go under the helm seat for more cold food storage on hot summer days. No one likes warm pimento cheese.

The temps in Charleston have been mid 70's in the past week and are supposed to remain there for the next 7 days. I love this weather! Everything is blooming-azaleas, dogwoods, my Lady Banks rose! It's heaven. I'd like to be even more selfish and now ask God to crank it up to the 80's so that I can lay out in complete comfort. Mid 70's is just a little too cold to lay out and I am banned from the tanning bed until October.

Yesterday during our yardwork session I spent some time thinking about baby stuff and have come to the conclusion that I need to start working as much OT as I possibly can for the rest of my life in order to afford LBT. The public schools in Charleston are known for being so so(academically and socially), homeschooling is NOT an option for us, and oh shit, it looks like we're going to have to send LBT to private school. So it looks like I'll be living at the hospital and typing my posts from there in order to afford Port Gaud/First Baptist/Ashley Hall or spend the next 18 years trying to supplement whatever the Charleston County School district does with my child.

On the bright side, today is my beauty day which entails highlights and haircut, mani/pedi, and new products! Happy Monday ya'll.

"I will cut him"

Heads are gonna roll

JT is driving me nuts. Nuttier that ever. I don't know if it's pregnant lady hormones or if he was always just a pain in the toosh and I didn't notice.....Last night we went out to Red's for happy hour with friends and I couldn't drag him out of there until 21:30. We went downtown to eat and he proceeded back in to a Honda Fit parked on the E. Market. Homeslice jumps out of the truck and says, "No scratches." Don't worry, I made him leave a note. If you see me on the News 4 for committing some random act of violence against him, don't judge-just bail me out.

Moving on to happier thoughts, we visited Babies'R' Us last weekend and all the pregnant ladies walking around in very similar outfits freaked me out so I decided to excercise my brain a little bit and make a few of my own maternity dresses. I'm off to WallyWorld and Hancocks to find fabrics!